marriage

Are you just FAKING it?

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I often talk about connection as a central purpose in our lives. It’s the source of a lot of our happiness, self-worth, and shared human experience. However, what we do and how we try to connect can say a lot about our true intentions and motivations.

So what do I mean by that?

Think about a conversation you’ve had recently – we use storytelling as a way to connect, relate, and empathize with each other. Right?

Think about the kind of stories people tell you:

  • Do they use over sharing? Like telling you intimate details too soon for your relationship with them? Chances are this is a pseudo connection, and can actually push people away from you.
  • Are they comparing themselves to you or one-upping you? Sounds like they are motivated to build their own self-importance – which does not lead to a real connection!

True vulnerability uses healthy boundaries. It allows for the time to build trust and is held accountable by both parties involved. Who do you connect with like this?

{WATCH the video to find out if YOU fake it!}

Now, think about how you connect with others:

  • What kind of stories do you tell? Why do you tell them?
  • When you’re trying to really connect with someone, what do you do differently?

So, I challenge you to really consider your motivations and intentions behind what you share and how you try to connect.  Be more mindful of this in your next conversation. Find out what you do differently when you really want a genuine connection, and how it affects the connection you make.

Did you try it? Share your comments and experience in the section below the video (on YouTube) or in the comments section on the Blog.

Create the Best Weekend Ever!

Brittany Drozd
Brittany Drozd

What if I told you that you have all the power in the world to make yourself as happy as you want to be?

Chances are you wouldn’t believe me. That’s because our consumption-oriented and instant-gratification seeking culture tells us that we can buy happiness. And to some extent, it works! We are happier in the moment of making purchases and enjoying them shortly afterward. But this kind of happiness is fleeting.

The reason why these purchases make us happy is that we’re excited and engaged in the process of actually buying them. That’s the key- being and staying present!

Ever go to dinner with friends and realized the time has flown and it’s 3 hours later? Or been into a great book and realize you haven’t checked your phone in forever?! That means you’ve been present and stayed in the moment!

Matt Killingsworth, of Harvard University, gave a brilliant TED Talk in which he outlined his research on happiness. Killingsworth concluded, “We're often happiest when we're lost in the moment. And the flip side: The more our mind wanders, the less happy we can be.”

This is even true of activities we despise - like traffic. Killingsworth assessed that when commuters are more present and engaged in their commute, they are happier than when driving while talking on their phones, on social media, or reading emails. You make think you’re being productive, but you’re just making yourself unhappy!

So how do you stay present?

This super easy tactic is bound to make you more conscious and present: ask yourself, “Is my head in the same place my feet are in?” You have the opportunity to bring yourself back to the present moment by focusing your mind on what you’re currently doing.

Why does a wandering mind make us so unhappy?

When our minds wander, they typically go to a few common destinations:

-       What I wish I were doing

-       What I wish I had

-       And who I wish I was

The space that exists between where you’re at now (doing, have, are) and where you wish you were (doing, have, are) is cognitive dissonance.  The incongruence that exists in how we feel about ourselves can be very uncomfortable and disheartening. This is the juice of what makes us unhappy.

What can you do about?

The good news is that cognitive dissonance exists only in our minds. We give it life, so we can also lay it to rest. Here’s how to erase dissonance in your life:

-       Activity: Think about the purpose behind what you’re doing right now. Is your current activity bringing you closer to a goal? If it’s a means to a greater goal, can you reframe your thinking around the activity? How engaged are in what you’re doing right now?

-       Possessions: Do you have everything you need? If you’re reading this article, the answer is likely “yes.” Only once all of our basic needs are met do we have the mental capacity to consider self-development, fitness, and lifestyle. There will always be someone with more possessions than you, but if you have everything you need, can you find more gratitude for that? Make a list of 5 things you’re grateful for right now!

-      

Who You Are:

We all have areas of shame in our lives that we usually don’t speak about. Our job, money, family, body, etc. But often these thoughts get out of control when our minds wander and stretch beyond reality. We make conclusions about ourselves aren’t even close to reality. Change this by staying present!

Take your weekend to the next level by using this tools to be present and live happier right now!

Use the #BYBS hashtag in all pics and posts of a happier you!

4 Steps to Being Heard!

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Do you ever catch yourself saying this: "How many times do I have to say it?" Or "why can't you understand me?" Or better yet "am I speaking English?"

Communicating with others can be confusing and frustrating at best! Sometimes it seems that those closest to us have the most difficult time understanding what we're really saying. But who's really to blame - them or us?  

Great communication is the result of authenticity and love-based efforts to be heard! Are your speaking from a place of love or fear? Psssttt - have you ever not send what you really meant or wantd? Ever held back or held it in? That's fear.

Use these 4 components to say what you truly want, desire, and value to get your needs met!

1.    Observing: The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting

       our well-being

2.    Feelings: How we feel in relation to what we are observing

3.    Needs: The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our

       feelings

4.    Request: The concrete action we request in order to enrich our

       lives

Watch the video to see how it all plays out!

What component works best for you? When have you tried this and it actually worked? What's an example in which you can use this strategy that wasn't mentioned? Let's start a conversation in the comments section on this video or blog post!

Your Key to Happiness

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Ever look aimlessly for your keys and they're nowhere to be found?! Yeah, this is kind of like that. Frustrating, but so rewarding when you find them!

Ever look aimlessly for your keys and they're nowhere to be found?! Yeah, this is kind of like that. Frustrating, but so rewarding when you find them!

Everyone’s always looking for the key to happiness. Trying to find it in their career, their relationships, and other external things. But happiness has to come from within. 
This is good news for some and bad news for others: the good news is that if happiness comes from within, that means we’re all capable of having it. We’re all capable of being happy. The “bad” news that it comes from within, meaning that you’re going to have to look in the mirror and dig through the trenches to find it. 
Sometimes it’s hidden beneath the very things we’ve been trying to avoid and ignore in our lives. Sometimes it’s smack dab in the middle of us and our relationships with others. But no matter where happiness is hiding, we need to do the following things to find it…..  [watche the video]
Wach: http://youtu.be/JHfWMvZ1ONU
  1. Draw a map. Where was your happiness the last time you saw it? Where has it been in the past? At different stages of your life?
  2. Make a to do list based on the activities you were doing when you’ve been happier in the past. 
  3. Be aware! How are you acting during the day? What’s your mood like? How are you interacting with others? All of these things impact our happiness, and you will need to be aware of what you’re doing now if you’re going to change it.
  4. Give a damn! If you want to be happier, then you’re going to have to make an effort, engage, and care about YOU!
When has this worked for you? When have you been happier in your life? What's something you already know helps you feel happier? I CHALLENGE you to write one thing in the comments section that you will change TODAY to make room for more happiness!

I want to hear from YOU! Send me your questions, suggestions, and comments on what you want to see and hear from me on videos, blogs, and newsletters! I want to give you exactly what you need to be your best self!

How your FEAR won't let you Win!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMGFb0HJBbU

We all use information from past experiences, our emotions, and needs to make decisions and take action. Our decisions are usually made based on fear or love. But we don't like to call it fear (because that would be embarrassing!). Instead, we feel self-doubt, frustration, anger, jealousy.

But wouldn't it be nice to act from a place of love? Real, sustainable change can only happen when we change our motivation to act from fear to love.

How has fear stopped you from taking action towards your goals? When did you regret doing something out of fear?

If you've already made this change, how are you acting out of love now? Share your story below to inspire others!

Find out what's missing TODAY!

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Included in the Build Your Best Self seminar is my Status and Strategy Assessment ($199 value). Get a peek of what the 4-page assessment looks like. This is a great tool to find out EXACTLY:

• What’s missing in your life

• What’s stealing your drive and motivation

• What’s causing lack of clarity and keeping you from moving forward

• What clouds your vision and prevents you from formulating an action plan

• What you can start doing TODAY to achieve greater success

Get it FREE when you sign up for the seminar!

The Build Your Best Self seminar begins May 1st! Contact me to reserve your spot!

Vlog: Why you'll never find clarity

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmQK3sYxWlA

How many self-help books have you read, experts you'd consulted, and methods have you tried to find clarity?! Still not "clear"? That's what I thought. Find out what no one tells you about gaining clarity, but is the one thing that works!

Check out this blog!

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Check out this hilarious, straight forward, and real-life blog! I don't often recommend other blogs. But when I do, trust me, they're good!

More specifically, check out his article "16 ways I blew my marriage". We can ALL benefit from acknowledging the behaviors he calls attention to, and recommended "do over" approaches.

http://www.danoah.com/2012/10/16-ways-i-blew-my-marriage.html

What do you think? Share your comments below!

Caretaker Syndrome

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Ever feel that some of your relationships resemble the picture above? You- taking care of a person who is supposed to be your spouse, partner, equal, peer?

Do you have days when talking with this person is more of a chore than an asset to your day?

Ever feel so exhausted by all the giving, listening, and care-taking you do for others that you don't have time to take care of yourself?

Want this to be different? Want to be taken care of too?

You first have to ask yourself 'How is this relationship serving you?'

There's a good chance that you're getting something out of serving others. Maybe it's a way to be close to the people we're taking care of, giving your life more purpose, or giving you something to complain about with others (this can be valid too!).

No, I'm not talking about taking care of Great Aunt Margaret. I'm talking about the relationships in your life that seem like you're the one doing all the giving, and when the tables are turned, this person is not there to listen, support, and validate your needs as well.

Get what you want out of the relationship by making the following changes:

Take inventory- notice the times when you feel drained after being with this person. What was talked about? What happened? How do you feel after leaving that situation?

Ask for what you want- These people aren't mind readers! Tell them what you need and see what happens. PS- this will be a pivotal point in the relationship!

Learn from a taker- Make sure you're not draining others with your emotional needs. Ask yourself 'Is the conversation balanced? Am I listening? When do I give back to them?'

Ever been in a relationship or friendship like this? Share your story below! How did it change? Or did it have to end?

What men need to live a happy life

What men need to live a happy life Here it is... all the secrets you're looking for to obtain fulfillment, control, and clarity in your life. Yeah right, I wish it were that easy too! But this article on Harvard University's 75-year longitudinal study does reveal some interesting correlations between men's happiness and their lifestyle choices.

Here are a few of their findings:

- A man's IQ does not determine his earning capacity over the lifetime

- Alcoholism is detrimental any way you spin it- to your health, relationships, and cognitive functioning

- Men who were Liberals had more vibrant sex lives well into old age versus conservatives. This is fascinating!

- There is a powerful correlation between the warmth in your relationships and health and happiness in your later years. So start hugging it out!

Read the full article now to learn more about the changes you can make today for a long and happy life.

What changes are you most likely to make? What are your priorities? Share your choices below in the comments section!