sex

3 Steps to Crush Control

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Control. It has such a harsh and negative ring to it, right? Yet it’s something we want in so many aspects of lives. We want control with our partners, in our careers, and over our dog. However, the things we do to gain control are not so good… yell, make demands, not listen to others.

So why do we do it then? FEAR.

Our need to control people and situations is based on our primitive fears that we will not have our basic needs met – including money, love, and acceptance.

How do you make this different? 

If control didn’t serve us well in some ways, we wouldn’t use it so often. Consider some of the ways in which control is useful – planning, making a schedule, and exercising discipline.

But when it doesn’t serve us well, we need to let go control without anxiety or worry.

How do you do let go? [watch the video]

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Use these 3 Steps to Crush Control in your life when it’s NOT needed:

  • Recite your intentions
  • Reality check yourself
  • Stay present

Don’t take my word for it! Check out the video for waaaay more tips and examples to let go of the things in your life that are holding you back from the life you want to live.

Let’s create a conversation in the comments section of this blog to share even more tips and success stories!

4 Steps to Being Heard!

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Do you ever catch yourself saying this: "How many times do I have to say it?" Or "why can't you understand me?" Or better yet "am I speaking English?"

Communicating with others can be confusing and frustrating at best! Sometimes it seems that those closest to us have the most difficult time understanding what we're really saying. But who's really to blame - them or us?  

Great communication is the result of authenticity and love-based efforts to be heard! Are your speaking from a place of love or fear? Psssttt - have you ever not send what you really meant or wantd? Ever held back or held it in? That's fear.

Use these 4 components to say what you truly want, desire, and value to get your needs met!

1.    Observing: The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting

       our well-being

2.    Feelings: How we feel in relation to what we are observing

3.    Needs: The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our

       feelings

4.    Request: The concrete action we request in order to enrich our

       lives

Watch the video to see how it all plays out!

What component works best for you? When have you tried this and it actually worked? What's an example in which you can use this strategy that wasn't mentioned? Let's start a conversation in the comments section on this video or blog post!

Your Key to Happiness

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Ever look aimlessly for your keys and they're nowhere to be found?! Yeah, this is kind of like that. Frustrating, but so rewarding when you find them!

Ever look aimlessly for your keys and they're nowhere to be found?! Yeah, this is kind of like that. Frustrating, but so rewarding when you find them!

Everyone’s always looking for the key to happiness. Trying to find it in their career, their relationships, and other external things. But happiness has to come from within. 
This is good news for some and bad news for others: the good news is that if happiness comes from within, that means we’re all capable of having it. We’re all capable of being happy. The “bad” news that it comes from within, meaning that you’re going to have to look in the mirror and dig through the trenches to find it. 
Sometimes it’s hidden beneath the very things we’ve been trying to avoid and ignore in our lives. Sometimes it’s smack dab in the middle of us and our relationships with others. But no matter where happiness is hiding, we need to do the following things to find it…..  [watche the video]
Wach: http://youtu.be/JHfWMvZ1ONU
  1. Draw a map. Where was your happiness the last time you saw it? Where has it been in the past? At different stages of your life?
  2. Make a to do list based on the activities you were doing when you’ve been happier in the past. 
  3. Be aware! How are you acting during the day? What’s your mood like? How are you interacting with others? All of these things impact our happiness, and you will need to be aware of what you’re doing now if you’re going to change it.
  4. Give a damn! If you want to be happier, then you’re going to have to make an effort, engage, and care about YOU!
When has this worked for you? When have you been happier in your life? What's something you already know helps you feel happier? I CHALLENGE you to write one thing in the comments section that you will change TODAY to make room for more happiness!

I want to hear from YOU! Send me your questions, suggestions, and comments on what you want to see and hear from me on videos, blogs, and newsletters! I want to give you exactly what you need to be your best self!

3 Ways to Better Relationships Today

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How many people have you already spoken to this morning? How many of those people would you consider an essesntial relationship to your life? And how many of those conversations could have gone better?

It is a basic human need to be part of a group or something bigger than ourselves. That is why we form these relationships. Although we hate to admit it, we need support from others at times as well. And in some ways, the connections we form with other people provide the greatest gifts in life!

So taking care of these relationships is essential! 

Here are 3 ways you can improve the most important relationships in your life, and likely improve yourself as well: 

  • Ask yourself "What's my desired outcome?" or "What do I want to happen?" to get closer to your personal motivations.
  • Be Brave! Share your true self, desires, and needs to further close the communication gap.
  • Show up for them! Be mentally present, responsive, and empathetic - you would want the same in return.

Watch the video for more information and tips on how to enact these changes today! 

http://youtu.be/iG7GEpy6y7s

Share your experience- the good, the bad, and the ugly- in the comments section of the video or the blog.  Let's get the converstaion started around building a life you love!

You have 2 Options!

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When we are plagued by indecision, overwhelm, or a bad attitude we have 2 options:

Change your Mind or Change the Environment.

The former is the more difficult of the two - but definitely feasible! The latter can also feel like a struggle, but is a real game-changer! Which will you choose?

Change your Mind: Situations, behaviors, and interactions are most often benign. But we are conditioned to attached a thought and then an emotion to the event. See diagram. The resulting thoughts and emotions impact your future behaviors and reactions.

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You have the power to change this! Once your become more aware of your cognitive and emotional reactions to a situation, you can choose to attach a different meaning to it - a meaning that better serves you!

Change your Environment: It takes a lot of awareness, practice, and emotional control to exercise a cognitive change, like I just described above. Sometimes in the moment it's best just to move! Ever heard of fight or flight? Well, your situation may not be that serious, but you could still benefit from "fleeing" the situation and changing your environment. Pissed at your boss? Go outside for a walk. Take your lunch break outside of the office. Or go visit a colleague's cubicle.

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Take advantage of this great New England weather and increase your Vitamin D with a little sunshine! This can improve anyone's mood!

Bottom line: you have two options! Pick on that serves you and run with it! Tell us below which option works best for you? When have you tried using this before? Share comments to spread the love!

- Brittany

You're not Perfect! [neither am i]

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Bloggers! I have missed you.... but not forgotten about you!

Last week was the busiest week at my practice (saw so many clients!), had the first session of the Build Your Best Self seminar, and attended a 3-day intensive training for Core Energetics (part of my 2-year program). I'M TIRED!!!

Yes, I've been slacking on my blogging. My goal is to connect with you at least 3 times per week on here, but that just didn't happen last week. And it might not happen this week. And that's okay :)

That's okay ????!! [Did I really just say that?] Yes!!!!!!!! A few years ago I would have NEVER actively admitted to not achieving something I set out to do. Never mind calling attention to it on a blog post! Have I lost my mind?? [don't answer that :)]

No I haven't! I want to make it okay for everyone to admit to the same! I'm not perfect, and I'm never going to be. I have this idealized image of myself that I'm never going to reach. And I'm fine with that. Because that idealized self doesn't schedule much time for fun, works too much, and doesn't account for real-life mishaps.

If we feed into the idealized self, we create unrealistic working environments and goals that often lead to disappointment and discouragement to keep trying. Ever worked in a place where salaried employees were working 50-60 hours weekly instead of the intended 40 hours? That happens when one person tries to met an unreasonable demand, and eventually it becomes the norm. Now you have a culture that's built on overworking and undervalued free time. Not good for the employees or the company itself.

The US has a disproportionate amount of burn out, workplace accidents, and suicides. I think this idealized self could be the culprit. We need to make it okay for each other not to work towards unrealistic goals and levels of achievement that hinder real life experiences.

Only once we are honest with ourselves can we begin to look at affecting realistic, positive changes to better our lives. I'll go first:

I'm not perfect. I won't be able to achieve all the goals I set for myself. Most days I don't finish my to-do list. I'm human, and I keep trying.

Now it's your turn! Get real with yourself and others. Stop aiming towards your idealized self and reach for something tangible, realistic, and authentic. Get real in the comments below! Tell us about your idealized self and what's gotta go! 

Moving towards my best self,

Brittany

Seminar Countdown!

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With only 7 days until the start of the Build Your Best Self seminar, I wanted to do a 12-days of Christmas-isque countdown. See 6 and 7 below:

Day 7

There are 7 days in a week. Each day provides us with a new opportunity to focus our intention, find clarity in action, and pursue our greatest desires. What did you do in your last 7 days? Come join us to find your focus!

6 Days until the Build Your Best Self seminar:

Experts say we are all connected by 6 degrees of separation. But even with the people we already know, doesn't it feel like we're separated by even more? It can be really difficult to open up to the ones we love and speak our truth. We have fears of rejection, seeming needy, and feeling vulnerable. In order to Build Your Best Self, you need to rally the support of those in your life. You need to learn to communicate effectively, ask for what you need, and speak from the heart. Have trouble doing that? See you May 1st then.

Find out more information about the seminar on my vlog and email me at brittany.drozd@gmail.com!

Recovering to Good Health

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  It's sad but true: there is a stigma attached to mental health. Especially for men.

What would you're road to good health look like if this weren't the case? What could you overcome if you reached out for help?

Read my friend Josh Bird's excellent article on mental health and fitness for men. Check out his shout-out to me too!

http://crossfitprovidence.com/2014/04/23/recovering-to-good-health/

How your FEAR won't let you Win!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMGFb0HJBbU

We all use information from past experiences, our emotions, and needs to make decisions and take action. Our decisions are usually made based on fear or love. But we don't like to call it fear (because that would be embarrassing!). Instead, we feel self-doubt, frustration, anger, jealousy.

But wouldn't it be nice to act from a place of love? Real, sustainable change can only happen when we change our motivation to act from fear to love.

How has fear stopped you from taking action towards your goals? When did you regret doing something out of fear?

If you've already made this change, how are you acting out of love now? Share your story below to inspire others!

Vlog: Why you'll never find clarity

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmQK3sYxWlA

How many self-help books have you read, experts you'd consulted, and methods have you tried to find clarity?! Still not "clear"? That's what I thought. Find out what no one tells you about gaining clarity, but is the one thing that works!

Super Saturday

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This Saturday did not turn out like I wanted it to- and I mean that in a good way!

Ever have those days when you prepare the night beforehand to wake up early, be super productive, eat cleanly, and put some check marks on that to-do list?

Yup, that was my Friday night. Everything was going to go smoothly on Saturday.

Yeah right! Fast forward to this morning- Slept in, casually made breakfast, went shopping, cooked a big lunch.

At 4pm I looked at my to-do list, disappointed that I had failed at my "productive day".

This was my window of opportunity- either see today as a failure or enjoy all the down time I had in the morning and make the most of the evening ahead.

Right away I grabbed my yoga mat and headed out the door. At the front of the yoga class sat Ganesha- remover of obstacles (see pic above). I had been to this class several times, and never really noticed it before. But today, I kept Ganesha in my mind and intentions throughout the class.

I thought about this: so often we are our own worst enemies- our own obstacles to happiness and success. We're overwhelmed by to-do lists, distracted by all of our demands, and find ourselves spinning in a world we don't recognize. This definitely does not lead to feelings of success and happiness at the end of the day.

When we slow down and ask ourselves what we really want or need, the next step often presents itself. For me, it was yoga. Allowing myself to forsake my to-do list and indulge in some self care brought me greater happiness immediately!

And from there, my indulgences just flowed...and eventually led to baking cookies!

At the end of the day, my to-do list has no check marks, I didn't eat kale, and I wasn't too productive. So what?! Sometimes you need to feed the soul and re-evaluate what a successful and productive day really means. Choosing happiness and rejecting negativity can make all the difference- no matter what you did today!

What window of opportunity did you have to choose the outcome of your day? What would you do differently next time? Share below!

RI Fit Magazine

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Check out my article on Change Vs. Progress in RI Fit Magazine page 54!

Heard of RI Fit Magazine? They are RI's hottest and healthiest new resource for fitness, wellness, and overall health. Check out their April issue online or in print for FREE at hundreds of locations in and around Rhode Island. The best part is that they feature local Rhode Islander's that are fit and motivating! You'll probably see someone featured that you already know! #smallstate #RIproud

Turn Your Wishes into Reality

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Do you ever feel…

  • Not good enough?
  • Unfulfilled by what you do have?
  • Not happy when you think you should be?
  • You’re living without intention?
  • Overwhelmed, spinning, and can’t get ahead?

Sound familiar? Want it to be different?

Real change is possible when we can identify who we really are, what we want, and eliminate obstacles in our way! This 4-week seminar will supply the tools to make real change possible in your life.

Being limited to 10 people will allow for more time to work on you and get what you need out of it.

By the end of this series, you will…

  • Develop your Life Aim
  • Nail down specific and focused goals
  • Identify what’s serving you; and get rid of what’s not!
  • Build the self care you need to succeed
  • Have a greater sense of clarity in your life
  • Ask for what you really want, and have a plan to get it!

Not sure if this is what you need? Ask questions in the comment section below, or call (401.441.1626) or email (brittany.drozd@gmail.com) to contact me directly!

What did you do today to bring you closer to your dreams?

- Brittany

Caretaker Syndrome

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Ever feel that some of your relationships resemble the picture above? You- taking care of a person who is supposed to be your spouse, partner, equal, peer?

Do you have days when talking with this person is more of a chore than an asset to your day?

Ever feel so exhausted by all the giving, listening, and care-taking you do for others that you don't have time to take care of yourself?

Want this to be different? Want to be taken care of too?

You first have to ask yourself 'How is this relationship serving you?'

There's a good chance that you're getting something out of serving others. Maybe it's a way to be close to the people we're taking care of, giving your life more purpose, or giving you something to complain about with others (this can be valid too!).

No, I'm not talking about taking care of Great Aunt Margaret. I'm talking about the relationships in your life that seem like you're the one doing all the giving, and when the tables are turned, this person is not there to listen, support, and validate your needs as well.

Get what you want out of the relationship by making the following changes:

Take inventory- notice the times when you feel drained after being with this person. What was talked about? What happened? How do you feel after leaving that situation?

Ask for what you want- These people aren't mind readers! Tell them what you need and see what happens. PS- this will be a pivotal point in the relationship!

Learn from a taker- Make sure you're not draining others with your emotional needs. Ask yourself 'Is the conversation balanced? Am I listening? When do I give back to them?'

Ever been in a relationship or friendship like this? Share your story below! How did it change? Or did it have to end?